Thinking About Life

I realized a long time ago that my life is something of a mixed bag. 

I didn’t have the best childhood in the world. My father was an alcoholic and had a rather bad temper. I remember when I was about 12 years old my father caught me picking on my sister and decided the best punishment would be to kick me rather hard in the stomach, knocking the wind out of me. Also, I was bullied severely throughout my public school years due to my weight, my hobbies, and just being different. That bullying really did a number on my self-esteem and it still effects my confidence to this day. Finally, bad things seem to constantly happen to me. Whenever something good happens, a paranoid part of me is always waiting for the metaphorical shit to hit the fan sooner or later. 

However, my life wasn’t a complete living hell. Over the years, I have befriended a few people who I see as extended members of my family. These people have been there for me during my highest highs and my lowest lows and continue to stand by me. Without these people in my life, I feel like I would be a very different person. Even though I don’t get to talk or see some of them a lot, I cherish every minute I get to be with them and wouldn’t trade them for anything the world. 

Also, I have always found a way to fight through the crap and come out on the other side. Some people who have been through the stuff I have probably would have given up a long time ago and let those horrible experiences break them. However, I try my hardest to keep going. I’ve been close to the edge before, but I have always stopped myself from taking that final step. I could do it, but that would be a permanent solution for a temporary problem and I would be letting down/hurting the people who care about me. Every time life knocks me off the side of the mountain and sends me falling to the ground, I always manage to stand back up and begin climbing again. 

This post is probably a rambling mess, but that’s fine. Lately, I’ve been suffering some serious bouts of depression and I think I needed to say all of this. While I’ve had a lot of bad things happen to me, there are a lot of good things too.

While my life has been a mixed bag, I wouldn’t change it if I could.